Rain of Despair

Life recently totally sucks. That's the best way to describe things. Maybe due to assignments, which causes me to sleep late, or just too much workload and stuffs. I have been feeling super irritated and pissed nearly everyday. I hate things the way it is right now. Regardless of how much effort i put in, regardless of how hard i try, i never seems to do well at something. Just when i thought i tried my best, just when i thought i am doing well at things with all of my hard work. Everything is always ruin in the end. Seriously, i feel like i am such a failure and a useless person.

So, recently, i think 1-2 days ago, i got pissed off by my fren, and i actually got angry. it has been so long since i even scolded anyone like this. Guess my bad mood recently contributed to it. Sigh.. i really hate losing control of myself, and let my anger get ahead of me. But recently, bad mood causes me to seriously hate everything. Will need sometime alone to "destress" or "relax" in order not to be so pissed all the time.

I wonder, if you will ever know how i am right now. My troubled self, messed up mind and flooded schedules. So, most people says, students got the most time. To be honest, i doubt tat. They only got times during holidays actually. Social life, assignments, sleep, work and actually many more. We have to balance them accordingly. So please understand us.

Lots of things are going through my mind right now. Its a wonder how my brain can think of so many different problems and issues at once. But to me, it aint good at times. One of them would be now, where im currently thinking of so many troubling issues. If i can only think of one at once, i will be able to distract myself so much easier. So down recently.

Assignments are going fine at least. At least i managed to do according to my own planned schedule. But im already so tired when im not even halfway through. Will have to buckup! Watching KO one season 2 currently! Finally getting nice (after 13 episodes of boredom) At least its one ep per weekday.

Target for coming week! Clear assignments more and study hard for my basic theory driving test on the 21st. Will have to work hard! :P Wouldn't wanna fail. Bet 100 bucks wif mummy. If i fail im so gonna be broke.

Sorting things out, concentrating on solving one issue at once would be alot easier. To be honest, i already did tat. I tried concentrating and thinking of one, and i made the choice safest for my current situation. But im hesitating... i wouldnt wanna regret my choice. Would u prefer a safe and steady yet normal life, or a thrilling, difficult, fun and high risk life. The choice is mine currently. If im alone, i would definitely pick the later. But i guess, because of everyone around me, the first choice is the better one. Regrets is one thing i do not wan to have in my life. Shall head to bed right now. GoodBye and cya?

Weaknesses are bound to be overcomed. Anyway guys! Results for common test mostly out! Truthfully, im not happy with my results at all, even though compared with the rest, it is quite alright. Depressed as i did work hard. Cant understand why, whenever i work hard, put in all of my effort on sth, i m still unable to do well in it. I guess this is what they call no talent? Hard work making up for that is seriously tough, however,  i guess i dun have a choice but to continue working and striving for the better.

Assignments are out today too! Deadline are all so close to each other, its like, just a few weeks/days apart. There are even assignments with deadline on the same day. Guess i dun have much of a choice but to rush through the night. I must do well for all of my assignments. This is in order to cover for my grades in common test. Pray hard i can hit my target at the end of the sem!

Today, i actually thought of things negatively too. Was thinking of how useless and stupid i am, studying hard and unable to do well compared to those that just skip classes, dun do tutorials (i was like tat in the past) . But i accepted tat as my weakness, it doesnt mean i have to just give up, i guess the only way i can do things is work even harder. For i doubt there is another choice in life. I picked this course, walked this road, proceed along this path, there is no turning back of time. All i can do is move on, no matter how fast or slow, just carry on walking forward in life.

Somehow, i just ended up ranting here. Sorry readers(if there are even any. HAHA!) Time to do assignments and stop blogging! I will be back! :P

§AreS§
Knowing your weakness doesn't mean you are weak. Know it, overcome it, move on, brighter each time, stronger each time. Be the one shining brighter than any others. I will never stop walking forward.

A new year, a new beginning. (ya right.) Actually, things ain't bad for me at all. Or should i say, my adapting skills improved! i guess. Relationship stuffs is as usual i guess! Afterall, i dun mind being single! #foreveralone .

Well, at least things with frens gotten alot better! I do cherish everything i have with me currently! At least, before i lose everything. My grandpa passed away a few months ago but i guess this is life, people enter n leave all the time. Greetings and farewell, common in life i guess.

I dyed my hair too! I dyed it to reddish purple!! But somehow, it faded and now its brown! So the colour idw! Brown is so common! Supposingly new confidence? I guess not for me! Im always confident!Ha!

School just reopen a few days ago too! Just got back a paper ytd! Hmmm! Never hit my target of a A. But i guess a B ain't too bad. Pray the rest of my paper ain't bad i hope! I do hope things goes well in my career life! Time for some assignments and games!!! HEHE! All the best to unknown or known readers!

§AreS§

Move on, walk straight, no matter how tough, how rough the path.

Just that time, I've already decided not to get into a relationship again. I stopped myself, controlled myself, to just be friends with everyone around me. Nothing more, nothing less. At times, I've also lost trust in things. But, it happened again afterall..

First thing i get when parents came home todae, was a wonderful scolding, followed by continuous naggings. I thought it was alright, since u were there for me the entire time. I was feelings frustrated. but because u were there, everything became fine. After that, i was happily listening to you sing and watch drama. Your laughter is just so nice ^_^. Promised to treat you as a friend, i guess i'm going back on my words. infatuation or love? i've got no idea. I'll just continue to try my best. Either to get you, or just continue treating u as the diamond i've always treated.

After that, you left house to meet your friend.  I will never let you read this, for this blog will only be visited by me. Ill continue to be by your side no matter what happens. 11.11, i wished for you...and your happiness.

§AreS§
I'll do anything i can as long as it brings your happiness, even if all i can do is watch over you. ^_^ I'll cherish you for a lifetime. As a friend, or more.

An depressing past has passed, a new beginning once again. A new beginning meant new problems, new worries..but in life, it can never be a new life. =/ This is so not what i wanted, which is,a new love..
At first, i really tot we can remain as just friends, as good friends. One which i can be there for her always, 24/7 n still remain as friends like usual. But as time pass, as we get closer together, everything changed. Now, i think I've really fallen for her. What a big mistake.. if this were to be known by her, everything would be lost. A girl like her, with so many suitors, so many guys around her. I can never get near her totally. For in her mind, I'll always remain just as a friend.
Happy that we are close friends, but unhappy we cant be closer. Glad that we r at least close friends, afraid that she will find out the truth. What a weird person i am. Pretending that nothing is wrong is all i can do. Keeping things as it is, is all i can carry on doing. Every night, thinking over the same things, again and again. Yet, helpless, as thats all i can do. Nth more..
Really wish that i can just change everything. Wish that i can just say what i feel without spoiling anything. Wish that you will just stay beside me always.. n dun ever leave. All impossible wishes, experiences proved it all. For, forever does not exist. Thus, all i can continue wishing for is your present n as much as i can, ur future. I want all of it to have me included in it. yet another impossible dream.

Had been so long since i blogged, and yet, first post after approx 10 months, consists of rantings and unhappiness. Do hope things will turn out for the better. This is just a place where i convey my truth feelings. A place where i can just type anything i wan, anything i wish to type. May all of you have a good day. Will be blogging again soon ^.^
P.S change of signature.

§AreS§
Cherish what you have, do not start regretting after you have lost it.