Rain of Despair

Life recently totally sucks. That's the best way to describe things. Maybe due to assignments, which causes me to sleep late, or just too much workload and stuffs. I have been feeling super irritated and pissed nearly everyday. I hate things the way it is right now. Regardless of how much effort i put in, regardless of how hard i try, i never seems to do well at something. Just when i thought i tried my best, just when i thought i am doing well at things with all of my hard work. Everything is always ruin in the end. Seriously, i feel like i am such a failure and a useless person.

So, recently, i think 1-2 days ago, i got pissed off by my fren, and i actually got angry. it has been so long since i even scolded anyone like this. Guess my bad mood recently contributed to it. Sigh.. i really hate losing control of myself, and let my anger get ahead of me. But recently, bad mood causes me to seriously hate everything. Will need sometime alone to "destress" or "relax" in order not to be so pissed all the time.

I wonder, if you will ever know how i am right now. My troubled self, messed up mind and flooded schedules. So, most people says, students got the most time. To be honest, i doubt tat. They only got times during holidays actually. Social life, assignments, sleep, work and actually many more. We have to balance them accordingly. So please understand us.

Lots of things are going through my mind right now. Its a wonder how my brain can think of so many different problems and issues at once. But to me, it aint good at times. One of them would be now, where im currently thinking of so many troubling issues. If i can only think of one at once, i will be able to distract myself so much easier. So down recently.

Assignments are going fine at least. At least i managed to do according to my own planned schedule. But im already so tired when im not even halfway through. Will have to buckup! Watching KO one season 2 currently! Finally getting nice (after 13 episodes of boredom) At least its one ep per weekday.

Target for coming week! Clear assignments more and study hard for my basic theory driving test on the 21st. Will have to work hard! :P Wouldn't wanna fail. Bet 100 bucks wif mummy. If i fail im so gonna be broke.

Sorting things out, concentrating on solving one issue at once would be alot easier. To be honest, i already did tat. I tried concentrating and thinking of one, and i made the choice safest for my current situation. But im hesitating... i wouldnt wanna regret my choice. Would u prefer a safe and steady yet normal life, or a thrilling, difficult, fun and high risk life. The choice is mine currently. If im alone, i would definitely pick the later. But i guess, because of everyone around me, the first choice is the better one. Regrets is one thing i do not wan to have in my life. Shall head to bed right now. GoodBye and cya?

Weaknesses are bound to be overcomed. Anyway guys! Results for common test mostly out! Truthfully, im not happy with my results at all, even though compared with the rest, it is quite alright. Depressed as i did work hard. Cant understand why, whenever i work hard, put in all of my effort on sth, i m still unable to do well in it. I guess this is what they call no talent? Hard work making up for that is seriously tough, however,  i guess i dun have a choice but to continue working and striving for the better.

Assignments are out today too! Deadline are all so close to each other, its like, just a few weeks/days apart. There are even assignments with deadline on the same day. Guess i dun have much of a choice but to rush through the night. I must do well for all of my assignments. This is in order to cover for my grades in common test. Pray hard i can hit my target at the end of the sem!

Today, i actually thought of things negatively too. Was thinking of how useless and stupid i am, studying hard and unable to do well compared to those that just skip classes, dun do tutorials (i was like tat in the past) . But i accepted tat as my weakness, it doesnt mean i have to just give up, i guess the only way i can do things is work even harder. For i doubt there is another choice in life. I picked this course, walked this road, proceed along this path, there is no turning back of time. All i can do is move on, no matter how fast or slow, just carry on walking forward in life.

Somehow, i just ended up ranting here. Sorry readers(if there are even any. HAHA!) Time to do assignments and stop blogging! I will be back! :P

§AreS§
Knowing your weakness doesn't mean you are weak. Know it, overcome it, move on, brighter each time, stronger each time. Be the one shining brighter than any others. I will never stop walking forward.

A new year, a new beginning. (ya right.) Actually, things ain't bad for me at all. Or should i say, my adapting skills improved! i guess. Relationship stuffs is as usual i guess! Afterall, i dun mind being single! #foreveralone .

Well, at least things with frens gotten alot better! I do cherish everything i have with me currently! At least, before i lose everything. My grandpa passed away a few months ago but i guess this is life, people enter n leave all the time. Greetings and farewell, common in life i guess.

I dyed my hair too! I dyed it to reddish purple!! But somehow, it faded and now its brown! So the colour idw! Brown is so common! Supposingly new confidence? I guess not for me! Im always confident!Ha!

School just reopen a few days ago too! Just got back a paper ytd! Hmmm! Never hit my target of a A. But i guess a B ain't too bad. Pray the rest of my paper ain't bad i hope! I do hope things goes well in my career life! Time for some assignments and games!!! HEHE! All the best to unknown or known readers!

§AreS§

Move on, walk straight, no matter how tough, how rough the path.

Just that time, I've already decided not to get into a relationship again. I stopped myself, controlled myself, to just be friends with everyone around me. Nothing more, nothing less. At times, I've also lost trust in things. But, it happened again afterall..

First thing i get when parents came home todae, was a wonderful scolding, followed by continuous naggings. I thought it was alright, since u were there for me the entire time. I was feelings frustrated. but because u were there, everything became fine. After that, i was happily listening to you sing and watch drama. Your laughter is just so nice ^_^. Promised to treat you as a friend, i guess i'm going back on my words. infatuation or love? i've got no idea. I'll just continue to try my best. Either to get you, or just continue treating u as the diamond i've always treated.

After that, you left house to meet your friend.  I will never let you read this, for this blog will only be visited by me. Ill continue to be by your side no matter what happens. 11.11, i wished for you...and your happiness.

§AreS§
I'll do anything i can as long as it brings your happiness, even if all i can do is watch over you. ^_^ I'll cherish you for a lifetime. As a friend, or more.

An depressing past has passed, a new beginning once again. A new beginning meant new problems, new worries..but in life, it can never be a new life. =/ This is so not what i wanted, which is,a new love..
At first, i really tot we can remain as just friends, as good friends. One which i can be there for her always, 24/7 n still remain as friends like usual. But as time pass, as we get closer together, everything changed. Now, i think I've really fallen for her. What a big mistake.. if this were to be known by her, everything would be lost. A girl like her, with so many suitors, so many guys around her. I can never get near her totally. For in her mind, I'll always remain just as a friend.
Happy that we are close friends, but unhappy we cant be closer. Glad that we r at least close friends, afraid that she will find out the truth. What a weird person i am. Pretending that nothing is wrong is all i can do. Keeping things as it is, is all i can carry on doing. Every night, thinking over the same things, again and again. Yet, helpless, as thats all i can do. Nth more..
Really wish that i can just change everything. Wish that i can just say what i feel without spoiling anything. Wish that you will just stay beside me always.. n dun ever leave. All impossible wishes, experiences proved it all. For, forever does not exist. Thus, all i can continue wishing for is your present n as much as i can, ur future. I want all of it to have me included in it. yet another impossible dream.

Had been so long since i blogged, and yet, first post after approx 10 months, consists of rantings and unhappiness. Do hope things will turn out for the better. This is just a place where i convey my truth feelings. A place where i can just type anything i wan, anything i wish to type. May all of you have a good day. Will be blogging again soon ^.^
P.S change of signature.

§AreS§
Cherish what you have, do not start regretting after you have lost it.

Heehee! Date has changed. It became todae. 6th June

10th June 2011~ The day i am with you ~~ XD. 5 days more XD

Hi agn. Been more then a month since i blogged. well, Exams is finally voer ^^ happy bout tat, but o levels round the corner. awww. worst of it is, im now gd at mother tongue. other then tat, exams over, but worst part of it is coming.. results time~ OMG im so gonna screw up for exams. juz hope im ok. hahas. Weekends. frens askin me out for movie uh. but sorta lazy since exam's over. see how ba. maybe not todae.but next time. Gonna rest soon or sth. so Everyone. I'll show u a Sweet dream tonight.~

§Hyoshi§

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so (Act II, Scene II).--Hamlet

Wad a horrible week last week. 1st, get sibei jia lat results. Then somehow juz seems super tired. Hope this week is btr tho. Well wake up and see my sis consecutive 2 days wake up late. zzzz. hmm miss bus todae agn . Tmd sian sia. stupid bus. then reach school juz nice 7.15 wif my bulky bag then i only bought tis sat. Tho tis maths chap seems easy, im scared i would careless agn lik last test and gg. haizz tmr got ss. dun feel lik. i dam no mood nowadays for ss sia. chem was ok. all practical and looks lik quite a few tests coming my way yet i got no mood. So pissed. Watch out, step on my tail ill kill u. oops i got no tail~~ k ba i shall game a while then go sleep le. Early nightz

§Hyoshi§

My friend, your desire
Is the bringer of life, the gift of the goddess.---loveless act III

Waaa~~ wake up wif dark eye rings. == hmm 6 wake up le. holiday eh. well, went to visit 'grave' for my greatgrandma and yea. hmm everything was alright. but i was too tired and its lik im walkin but not fully awake. then after tat sleep on he car all the way sia. sleep wake up,breakfast, then sleep agn. wow~~ get home still sleepy but started using com. hmm use quite long le. but i stop and use agn la hahas. Todae april's bdae. hope those who went have fun^^ and wanna wish april a happy birthday todae^^ so guess ill end here todae? hahas early nights all~~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY APRIL

§Hyoshi§

My friend, do you fly away now?
To a world that abhors you and I?
All that awaits you is a somber morrow
No matter where the winds may blow. --- Loveless,act III

Hello every1 its april fool~~ hahas. wake up and ended up snoozing my alarm quite a few times lolx. but nvm still nvr miss the bus. XP. reach school lessons was ok. Our science teacher came bak. well 1st day of her lesson was ok. hope it doesnt get worse. Then, we had chinese test. wow not easy sia. scared i GG agn. maths was alright. easy enw chapter. juz tink and multiply can le^^ got home after eating mac(when i got cough) and started using com le lolx. hmm juz surf the internet for a while then starting playing dota le. Juz stopped and log , after tis need to sleep le. cos tmr goin visit grave so yea. hahas. Hmm needa wake up at 6 hope i can wake up on time. Early nights all. Sweet Dreams~~~

§Hyoshi§

Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul
Pride is lost
Wings stripped away, the end is nigh. (Loveless-act II)

Sians. wake up feeling so tired. gd thing i nvr miss my bus agn. but quite a bad day todae tho. 1st 2 period ss. my last test results sucks ma. and my homework try so hard still cannot make it. follow by maths. i tot i shud be ok for tat last test. but wth? juz pass. then MOST all careless de la. so pissed. Not a gd day uh. music was fun. and wow jian zhi piano so zai hahas. every1 stun lolx. then see ben take the prefect menthol badge. but he look so stiff. lik 1 statue. hand straight by side de. hmm goin doctor soon. my cough not any btr. so will keep updating. Bye Byee~~

§Hyoshi§

Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess
We seek it thus, and take to the sky
Ripples form on the water's surface
The wandering soul knows no rest. (loveless -act I)

Hahas. Today was quite fun tho my parents went out. Hmm woke up at 11 plus. late,and i know. then i eat breakfast which my sis make for me hahas. after tat spend time watchin drama lor. till quite late sia. started using com. then played dota all those. also~ im wondering. tmr got maths test ma sia. sicne last week one postpone. and haven fin english homework. wonder if i could fin it todae. if i cant tmr sure get scoldin then after school muz hand in de lor. hahas see how ba. im tired shall off the com. Nights all

§Hyoshi§

When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end
The goddess descends from the sky
Wings of light and dark spread afar
She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting.- final fantasy,loveless prologue

Hahas woke up in the morning having sore throat. so pain~~~ somemore todae eng oral. nvm ba, wont die. hahas Im suppose to be 2nd for oral, but jeremy kena scolded then become last. Suddenly I jump to first. i was lik WTF? OMGOMGOMG but too late. hmm tester was mr koh. everything was ok tho. wont fail can le. hahas. Well tmr got some sort of program i guess. todae after school we went jurong point also. met jolene,see ying and vanessa near dover mrt be4 we go. Then we went jurong point for lunch, the rest all at arcade, till 4 plus. I tried a new game. quite fun uh. at least i vnr fail~~~. after goin out from arcade we saw see ying and jolene agn. at golden village. so me and ben decided to watch how to train a dragon and mel and pearl went bak. (heard they went library after tat) well, tat show was nice. AND THE 3D g;asses are better. not pain at all. so get home dota and now goin off com le. nights~~~

§Hyoshi§

When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions

Wake up as usual, but somehow nvr snooze my alarm^^ hahas. wow 1st period chinese teacher already not here. i would prefer it if he is around. Then after tat maths, TEST POSTPONE. Hahas Eng homework ended up i survive. Ms tan allowed us after school hand in. cant believe i finish so many work in such short time. hahas . Well, Tmr is our chinese oral. hope me dun get sucky scores. I rely alot on oral de lor, if not my chinese gg. then oral still can paly dota till now sia. hahas so late le. Full Metal Alchemist rox man. Cant wait for the next episode. Hahas. Finish watch fairy tail i go sleep le. early nights all ^^

§Hyoshi§

despair and hope is a good night's sleep. - Harry Ruby

OMG Last day on holiday! tmr got test and i haven do homework~~~ haizzz. wake up already afternoon le. in my mind only holiday==. take out my english homework wanted to do it, ended up use com till now. no choice le. muz rush last min work haizzz . I muz JyJy. finish everything see a bit maths then sleep, cos confirm super late le. How i wish holiday would be longer uh. so fast end very boring leh. Hope i score high high for maths lors. And friday still got common test. T.T sian. make me wanna sleep le la. No choice lor. i finish work then sleep^^ so Happy school day tmr~~ Early Nights

§Hyoshi§

Live with your whole being all the days of your life. Your reward will be true happiness.
By :Rebecca Thomas Shane

Woke up as late as usual. 11 am uh. first thing i woke up, i saw my mum and sis goin out already. == . nvm since i went for movie also. Kaiji! So freakin nice. I lik tat movie far more then the other day's alice in the wonderland >.< and got 2 of my favourite character hahahas. Both from death note. the 2 main characters ^^. It was funny at certain parts but overall it is so cool. encouraged u guys to watch it. reach home at 10. But wow? my mum and sis not even home ==. Even though movie in jap, it still rox. hahas and already found next movie to watch le^^ guess i shall use com for a while more and go sleep or watch show le. Cya and early nightzz!~~♠

§Hyoshi§

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain
by:Roy Batty

Waaaaa. Woke up late first thing in the morning == but luky only a bit late and still on time to eat and everything. But worst is the chinese mock exam. Sure CMI de la. == hope can pass tho. hahas. wel, went for movie after tat alice in the wonderland 3d, i wear the specs till my ear there pain sia. Dun wan watch 3D movie le la. ==. Arcade was fun^^ tho it was only a while and we went bak. but time really flies. in a blink of an eye, already 6 plus. no choice but to go home lor. MRT so full so we take till jurong east then take bak to clementi. sound stupid but btr then alighting since the whole train was full. hahas^^ tmr got Chinese LC and after tat captain ball competition uh. dun expect to win but sorta lazy to play. cos u see, Lik WHO WOULD wan Competition after both test is over. == sian. no choice ba. shall go watch some shows be4 sleeping today^^ Early nights all( i mean AM) hahas. ^^

§Hyoshi§